Likes: Raiding beehives, looking cute, and charging violently through packs of big girls on roller skates.

Dislikes: People. Especially sheep farmers and commercial beekeepers.

It was a scorching hot day in the desert. Honey Badger was chasing a Cape cobra up a tree as usual. Just before she tore its head off, the snake lunged forward and bit her in the face. With the fresh kill still between her teeth, Honey Badger stumbled down the tree and collapsed into the sand.

Two hours later, she woke up and brushed the sand off of herself. As she groggily finished her meal she decided she was still hungry. Scanning the blurry panorama of the Kalahari, she spotted a gang of feasting hyenas off in the distance. She arrogantly trotted up to them and ripped the zebra leg right out of the alpha female's mouth. Wanting no trouble with Honey Badger, the hyenas quietly ran away.

After the hyenas left, two strange girls with binoculars wandered onto the scene. Still delirious from the snake bite, Honey Badger thought nothing of it. "Hey," said one of the girls. "My name's Athena DeCrime."

"And I'm Varla Vendetta," said the other.

"So?" replied Badger.

"So have you ever been on roller skates?"

Badger snorted. "What are you two? Talent scouts?"

"No, asshole," laughed Athena. "We're roller derby captains. We want you to join our league in Chicago."

Badger paused. "I'll think about it ... you want some zebra?"

"I'll pass," said Athena.

"Yeah, thanks but no thanks," Varla grinned at Athena.

Badger finished eating and motioned west toward the sunset. "C'mon, let's go."