Believe it or not, T-Bone Stakeya grew up nameless. She was raised on a vegan commune in rural Texas where names were believed to skew identity if given too early in childhood. It was her privilege to grow up and decide what she would like to be called. In the meantime, her parents and brethren usually referred to her as "Lettuce. " One early spring morning, twelve-year old Lettuce was watering the garden when two hundred federal agents stormed through the compound with M-16 rifles. During the ensuing standoff, Lettuce escaped through an underground tunnel while each cabin burned to ashes with everyone inside. After an hour of crawling in the dark, Lettuce saw the light at the end. It was not the head of a locomotive, but a light fixture on the inside of a slaughterhouse. Figuring this would be the last place the feds would look for a fugitive vegan militant, Lettuce climbed into the inside of a hanging cow carcass. The following morning, the foreman found her and quickly put her to work in the cow-punching room. Lettuce punched cows for many years in exchange for free room and board. She survived off of grass and hay until being locked in the carcass room one night. There was nothing there but dead cow, and Lettuce was starving. She cut one piece of raw meat from the cow and took her first bite of t-bone steak. It tasted so good she couldn t stop eating. Dawn grew near, and the carcasses were all stripped to the bone. Lettuce was still hungry. Suddenly, the door kicked in violently. Had the feds finally caught up to her? She knew no human could break through that door. The door broke down to reveal a young vampiress, eyes ablaze. "Who are you? " she demanded. "Uh, T-Bone, " said Lettuce. "Who are you? " "Hungry, " said the vampiress. "Ain't nothin' in here, " protested T-Bone. The vampire charged toward her, baring her fangs. T-Bone quickly rolled forward between the vampire's feet and used her superhuman strength to yank a shard of wood from the outside fence. She gracefully thrust the stake into the vampire's heart. Just like a Hell's Belle, T-Bone made her final exit from the slaughterhouse in style. She spit on the vampire's face and charged to the road like a raging bull. As she approached the light of the nearest highway truck stop, her midnight black silhouette turned to fresh blood red. Before anyone could see her, she ducked into the back of a Coca-Cola truck that was bound for Chicago and snuck out with the unloaded soda cases at Cicero Stadium. The front door was wide open, and no one stopped her from walking in. There appeared to be some sort of event going on that day. She wandered upstairs to see the Hell's Belles warming up for their bout. Killy Kapowski looked up and screamed, "Oh, my God! She's one of us! " How convenient. T-Bone was already in uniform.