by Peter Coffinail

When the gorgeous ladies of the Windy City Rollers aren’t issuing out healthy doses of bruises and battering egos, you might find them out and about gracing the city of Chicago with their presence. This past Thursday night was no exception, and a lucky crowd was able to see these ladies (and even UNK from the referee staff) flex their improv muscles. A raucous WCR team had an opportunity to square off against some of improv pro’s at the Comedy Sportz Theater on Belmont and Clark.

The Comedy Sportz Theater show offered up a unique blend of adult toilet humor and improv comedy. The basic premise behind the competition pits two teams against each other in front of an MC in games that the audience selects, and points are awarded based on how hard the improvisers make them laugh. The two teams battled it out for five rounds of sidesplitting fun. The MC for the evening was a local funny man and improv specialist, Nick Hausman.

The Windy City Roller team consisted of WCR All-Stars Ruth Enasia and Hoosier Mama, head referee UNK, newly recruited Fury skaters Tackle Box and Ska Face, and the newest addition to the Double Crossers, Tina Flay. They squared off against an all-women improv team called the “Battle Pros” consisting of Annie, Nicole, Natalie, Julie and Denise. Both teams looked poised and ready for improv battle as the night rolled into its first round.

The opening round was called Extreme Conducting Story bringing out the first WCR improv teaming of Tackle Box, Ska Face, Hoosier Mama and UNK. The basic run-down for this round is the two teams stand in a line on the stage. The MC pings the crowd to come up with a topic, which for this round was Napoleon Bonaparte. The MC opens the competition by pointing to one individual from either team. This person has to start a sentence based on the topic. The MC then randomly points to another player from either team and they have to pick up where the last person left off. If the last person talks while the newly pointed to person is talking, the last person is disqualified. This goes on until there is only one person remaining from one team. The Battle Pros showed why they have pro in their team name. They came out with wits blazing in the opening round spouting off some situations of utter hilarity putting Mr. Bonaparte in anything but a French sailing vessel. Their candor and poise on stage was nothing but professional. Queue the WCR team. Tackle Box was the first to be disqualified, but not before adding a swath of adult humor to the round. Ska Face answered with a scenario where Napoleon was pole dancing and then was ritualistically disqualified followed by a not-quite-loose-just-yet UNK. This left Hoosier Mama as the lone survivor and even though she put up a good fight, the WCR team went down leaving the score 5-0 after one round.

Round two was called the Battleboard Round. The players had to chose from four categories: US Open, The Dub, Costume Party, and Glee. They act out a scene based on the audiences choosing. The Battle Pros, being gracious hosts, let the WCR team go first. The comedic styling of Tina Flay, Tackle Box, Ska Face and UNK were put to the test when they opted for Glee and the audience had them acting out existing on Dimension X. An option for the Glee category is if the scene gets dull, the audience can begin to chant and the team has to stop dead in its tracks and begin singing in unison. Having to act out the whole Dimension X scene was a difficult task in itself leading the ladies gliding around the stage like they were in outer space and UNK trying to just fit in with a “what the hell is Dimension X?” look on his face. The scene dulled twice and the team sang “Safety Dance” and “Don’t Stop Believing” in perfect unison earning them 5 points and tying the game. The Battle Pros were up next opting for the Costume Party category. The crowd dressed the competitors from a cornucopia of extravagant wigs, hats, jackets and jerseys. The second round lacked the energy of the first round but the Battle Pros managed to eek out 3 more points after acting out the Inquisition ending the round in the lead 8-5.

The third round was called the Do Your Thing round where the teams would act out scenes based on audience suggestion. The WCR team went first bringing out Tina, UNK and Ruth Enasia, who graced the stage for the first time. They acted out a scene where Tina was a real estate agent and UNK and Ruth were married and in the market for a new home. What happened next was a gift of comedic genius. UNK came out of his shell and went into a Chris Farley-esque tirade on having explosive diarrhea. Working off Tina and giving the crowd what they paid money to come see, UNK really gave the show an amusing and memorable twist. That earned the WCR team four points putting them in the lead 9-8. Up came the Battle Pro team giving a slightly uneventful showing at the beginning. They stole the audience, though with a laugh-out-loud scene of three hit men standing over a dead body. Their use of the traditional Italian mob hit man accent was spot-on. Coupled with some choice four-letter words, they won the round earning them three points and putting them ahead yet again with the score set at 11-9.

On to round four, playfully named the Torture Round. This is where each team picks something hard for the other team to act out. The Battle Pros gave way to the WCR team of Hoosier, Tina and Tackle and picked out a scene called Sit, Stand, Kneel. The skit ran its course with the sexy trio bantering about hayrides and lovely places on the body to put the hay. This earned the WCR team four points putting them ahead 13-11. When it was the Battle Pros turn to step up to the challenge, the WCR team picked the queen mother of all torture skits; act out a derby bout. The Battle Pros’ comedic genius and ever-expanded sense of imagination was put to the test, but they came out on top smelling like roses (or old derby pads). The ladies brought out the old school derby from back in the 70’s and mixed it with a little WWE flare, tagging in skaters as another was hurt. It was well received by the predominantly WCR audience and the game was tied 13-all at the end of the fourth round.

The final round was dubbed Group Improv and involved every player from each team. The round was adult-themed and pitted the ladies (and UNK) against each other in a battle royale. Classiness was out the window and made room for raunchy jokes and jeers leaving the audience in stitches. At the end of the round, an audience vote would judge to see who the overall winner would be. In what one would think would be a landslide win for the WCR team, they walked away the victor with a 49-46 triumph over the Battle Pros.

The evening rounded out with a game of flip-cup held by the 1984 Flip-Cup Champ, Ricky Ray Stevens. Both teams met afterwards for drinks and casual conversation. Friends, family and fans alike were all awash in the spirit of the evening. There were good times had by all, and the Windy City Rollers had a chance to prove that they were more that just derby vixens with a lust for blood and competition. They also have a flare for the obscure and could improvise with the best.